THE "S" WORD

There are two words that begin with the letter "s" that have changed my life. The word "stupid" and the word "smart." Everyone has one or two words that can pack a punch to their heart in the best and worst way, and these are mine. 

Growing up, I was told I was stupid a lot, and by "a lot" I mean on a weekly basis and sometimes more depending on what had happened at school. I was put in the "slower" classes, tested for learning disabilities and I never once had a report card without a "c" on it. If adults and educators thought I was stupid surely they were the people who knew best, right? Even objective tests told me so. This word became part of my identity. "Hi, my name is Alex. I'm friendly, I'm creative, but I'm not smart."

I barely made it into college, which was am embarrassment as the only child of two educators with PhD's. I began as a business major, but I didn't make into the business school when my junior year came around. The only way I could graduate on time was to get a degree in Interdisciplinary Studies (two minors that equal a major) with a focus on business and communication. I ended up graduating, getting a job and fitting in with the rest of the world. With school over with I wouldn't have to think about the "s" word too much anymore. It would creep in here and there when I made mistakes, but, for the most part, I never thought about the word. But, then I began a business...

Everyone has dreams for themselves regardless of their aptitude. Our dreams are all different, and some may seem smaller than others. I didn't stop dreaming just because I thought I wasn't as smart as my peers. I dreamt of being a big time fashion editor or stylist starting at the age of 14, and when I faced the trajectory of my life without achieving those things it looked bleak. Motivated by the fear of regret and the passion for the fashion industry, I steam rolled over this identity of being stupid, and here I am. 

But, you see, there's a problem. Even as I type, "stupid" still haunts me and the word "smart" feels like buried treasure at the bottom of the ocean. Because even though I'm running a profitable business, I've spoken at many conferences, I have a beautiful home that I can pay for, and other things that most would call "accomplishments" I haven't told myself that I'm smart and I haven't heard anyone else other than Ryan tell me that I'm smart. Well, until a couple days ago. On Sunday, the CMO of Chatbooks, Rachel Hofstetter, said that to me in a business meeting and again over email, "you are smart." I'm still in shock and blown away. I'm even moved to tears. I've never been so happy to hear the "s" word in my life, and it clicked. I really am a smart woman, and hearing it from an unbiased person and a peer meant more than anytime I've tried telling myself that I am. There's power in the unbiased voice from a peer. 

The whole reason why I share this all with you is to remind you how encouraging your peers means a lot. Even telling someone you barely know in a business meeting that they are smart can change their, so don't hold back. 

Photo by Rennai Hoefer wearing accessories from Fossil. 

TAKE ME HOME

This post is sponsored by Gold Peak Tea.

When people ask me where I'm from I don't ever know how to answer them because I've lived in four different states (California, Wisconsin, Texas and Arizona). I usually just tell people I'm from all over. So, the word "home" is not so much a place as it is a feeling. Gold Peak Tea invited me to to share with you what feels like home to me as part of their Take Me Home Contest where one lucky winner will win a trip and a custom experience that takes them home (hurry, deadline ends September 1st, 2016).

To me, home feels like sunshine, warm breezes, snuggles with my kids, belly laughs, and sharing food and drink accompanied by good conversation with my friends and family. Home always feels comfortable, warm and easy. 

Holidays are often moments in time that we remember most because we are with family and friends. They can also feel stressful, which is the antithesis of what I want my home to feel like. So, easy entertaining is key. I wanted to share with you some "friends-giving" inspiration that's simple and easy and that showcases memories of my home growing up and my own home in Arizona.

Being an only child, our holidays were always spent with friends, especially when we lived in Texas. You could say we were doing "friends-giving" long before it was popular. Each year you could count on four things to be there: turkey, sweet potatoes, pecan pie and tea. Everyone always brought a dish instead of the host preparing the whole meal, but if you are going to do the whole thing here are some tips. 

Keep your place settings simple. White plates, classic linen napkins and a low key centerpiece. I simply placed a bundle of wheat in the middle of the table with some tea-lights. I also picked an accent color of coper to keep the palette warm and contrast with my blue rug. 

Make your dishes ahead of time. We did a turkey breast in the crock pot, stuffing in muffin tins (you can prep before), green beens lightly roasted (such a fast way to do it), potatoes scalloped instead of mashed (you can prep it before), pecan pies and galettes made in advance. 

There's nothing like eating a big meal and washing it down with some ice cold tea. Instead of having to brew it, you can count on Gold Peak Tea to give you the perfect, at-home taste. A lot of people like to add lemon or peaches to their tea. Instead, we add apple and citrus to the tea with cinnamon and star of anise to make it taste like fall. Stay tuned for the delicious recipe, and you can thank me later for giving you fall in a cup. 

Thanksgiving always started at dinner time in our house and went late into the night. The adults would sit at the table for hours talking and drinking, and us kids would go play and until it was time for dessert and eat second helpings of pie. 

That's what we do at our house. Foods change here and there, but I know our kids will have fond memories of this. Heck, even our dog loves the holidays. 

I'd love to hear what feels like home to you too! Please share in the comments below, and also be sure to enter the Gold Peak Tea contest too to win a trip home. The deadline for entries is September 1st, 2016. Stay tuned for some delicious recipes. 

Photos by Rennai Hoefer; Food by Brendan McCaskey, Styled by Alex Evjen, Copper cups designed by Katie Sterbenz

REAL TALK REAL MOMS ON COMPARISON

We all know the quote, "Comparison kills joy," but comparison is often painted in this light that the struggle with it is completely within our control and our own responsibility. Though our thoughts can absolutely be the culprit of comparison, there have been moments when moms have compared me to themselves resulting in passing judgement for our differences. I'm not talking about overt shaming, but rather a covert kind of shame that comes with the best intentions but hurts just as much.

For example, here is a sentence that seems good, but rather, is an act of comparison with a potential to hurt moms. "If I can do it, you can do it." Though that sentence can be meant to encourage someone, the person saying it is comparing the other person to themselves and telling them they can do something when sometimes the truth is that the other person can't do it or doesn't want to. And often what follows after that sentence is uttered is judgement and shame even if they don't say it out loud.

Whatever it is (breastfeeding, sleep training, exercising, working, cooking, childcare, etc.) most moms tackle parenting challenges in the best way they can and it looks different for everyone. I tried SO HARD both times at breastfeeding, and I've been met with, "If I can do it, you can do it; Just keep trying, you will get it. It's best for your baby; I didn't have any problems with it at all, you're probably not doing it right." Yucky, right? Have you been there? Or maybe it's the challenge of sleep deprivation....Have you ever said, "I'm so tired. My baby was up twice last night," only to be met with, "That's nothin'! My baby was up three times last night and hasn't slept through the night for over a year now." This idea of one-upping another mom by how much we can handle or do for our kids and shaming others who complain about their hardships isn't okay.

There are no gold, silver or bronze medals for moms. We're all gold medal winners if we are doing the best that we can to take care of our families. To some, the best means baking everything from scratch, having a home cooked meal on the table every night and homeschooling. That's so awesome! Who wouldn't love those things?! For me, the best means hugs and kisses whenever I can get them, reading a book to the kids before bed, and donuts after dance class. Again, what kid doesn't love that too?

I bottle fed my kids, I let them eat Cheetos, I let them watch television, I have a nanny, I order takeout some nights, I let my daughter wear lipstick, my kids wear hand-me-downs most of the time, sometimes I forget to brush their teeth, I don't DIY anything. These aren't bad things or parenting fails. Where did we get this idea that they were? If you craft stuff, bake stuff, eat only organic and are able to do it all without childcare that's so great! I love that! But at the end of the day, that doesn't make someone a better mom than me or the mom that buys store bought cupcakes and works full-time. Kids aren't necessarily better kids because of that either.

We are doing our jobs as moms when our kids are told they are loved, their needs are met, and they are able to learn and grow with joy. There must be equality within motherhood, and we must stop comparing ourselves. To read more on this topic of comparison from other amazing, real moms be sure to check out the posts below:

A Daily Something; Cloistered Away; Design for Mankind; Parker Etc., The Life Styled; The Refined Woman; Sacramento Street; The Effortless Chic, Could I Have That; Sarah Sherman Samuel; Sugar & Charm

Photos by Sarah Waggoner; kids outfits from Carter's

ELEMENTS OF AN ENTRYWAY

This is a sponsored post by World Market. All opinions are my own.

First impressions matter. The entryway of your home is your guest's first experience of your style. It's also the last experience of their visit, so you want to make sure it's memorable. Our entryway hasn't been much to look at. Until now, it was just a blank white wall, a wooden front door and wooden floors. Not bad, not great, just there. 

After furnishing my living room, I wanted to make sure that the entryway was just as warm and inviting. I also wanted it to be functional, and have a spot for people to put their shoes on, to check their lipstick their way out and to be able to set their purses down. 

A bench and a mirror seemed like the perfect solution. The warm wood kept the space inviting while the midcentury modern design of the bench and the oversize mirror kept things modern. But, to cozy up the space I found the perfect collection of pillows at World Market.

I kept to the rule of thirds with the pillows, and then I picked up this lovely throw to add some dimension. Adding green plants or flowers to any table or bench is always a good idea too.

I also found a gray floor runner that has flecks of silver throughout. You can't see the sparkle in the photos, but it's really a unique and glam touch to a natural space. The combination of these textiles soften the hard surfaces of the space.

The final touch on the space was to put an interesting piece of artwork on the door. Though the wood is pretty, it was just too plain Jane. I had this woven hanging made by Jenny from Sonoran Handmade.

To get this entryway for your home be sure to shop the space below. Also, World Market still has their living room sale going on. Be sure to shop now before it's over. 

Photography by Rennai Hoefer

THE PERFECT BACKPACK

Sporting a diaper bag when you have a baby is a given, and the selection of bags has increased dramatically over the past four years. Baby registries are overwhelming and choosing the best product for each need can make you break a sweat. I spent hours of researching the best bottles, the best stroller and the best diaper bag before Elle and Levi were born, so let me make finding a great diaper bag easy for you.

First, some of the key qualities you want to look for are water resistance, size, pockets, style, cost and durability. You want a bag that is large enough to store your baby essentials, but not one that is so big you are going to hit people as you walk by them or get stuck on clothing racks as you shop. (Yes, that has happened to me several times. I have a tote bag that is perfect for carrying everything, but I have learned not to bring it to department stores). You also want a bag that is stylish enough that you don't feel like you have the label "mom" or "dad" written on your forehead, and an added bonus if you can find one that is gender neutral. These bags aren't cheap, but I promise you can also invest in a bag that stands the test of time. I've already been through two diaper bags before finding this gem.

It's by ONE DUO. They make the coolest backpacks that can convert into satchels. They also come with stroller straps that hook onto your stroller. Aside from the amazing functionality of the bag, their design is on point. Right now backpacks are "in" overall. It doesn't matter if you're a mom or dad, wearing a back is cool. Plus, this bag fits in with the minimalist trend from top to bottom.

I chose their black bag because I wear a lot of black. I love that the wax canvas makes it wipeable, and I'm hands free to chase after the kiddos. I highly recommend this bag to parents or to anyone that is looking for a great backpack. 

Photo by Rennai Hoefer; Bag was gifted to me.