SEEDS OF DOUBT

There's a fine line between being pragmatic and sprinkling seeds of doubt. I know this by experience. Seeds of doubt were sewn in me by the people who love me the most - my family. They had no idea at the time, and I know now they are sad at the result of their words, but, nonetheless, they were planted. They looked like seeds that would sprout better choices, safer paths, protection and love, but what grew from phrases like, "Fashion is very competitive. Not many succeed. There isn't a lot of money in fashion. There isn't a demand for styling in Phoenix. You're not as stylish as other girls," grew something ugly. A snarly weed, a critic. She looks and sounds almost exactly like me, but she's not me at all. She's like a  knock off Prada bag, but looks authentic from the outside. 

No matter how much weed killer I put on this fake bitch (I usually don't swear, but that's the only word that fits this lady) she still gets in a word here and there. I give her credit for my business degree and my PR experience - a smart cookie no doubt. I also credit her for the depression, self-esteem battles and tears. The only thing that has quieted her snobby voice is this overwhelming stirring in my Spirit that feels like a fireball (trust me it's not heartburn) - there's no quenching it unless I release it. 

I did it when I started my first blog, AlexandraEvjen.com. It came out again when I got my first logo. And again, when I went I completed my first photo shoot. And again, when I did my first fashion show. And again, when I got over a million followers on Pinterest. And again, when I got my first job with a brand (Glamour Magazine). And again, when my work was first published in print.

That critic is silenced every minute of every day when I get to do what my Spirit has always asked me to do - simply follow this passion. I am so thankful that I had the courage to release this wildfire, but not everyone has this story. Not every person has been able to release this groaning deep within them. Unfortunately, some people have more than one devil wearing Prada bitch in them because more seeds of doubt disguised with pragmatism were sewn - like Johnny Apple seed had a field day. For them, I write this post.

We need to remember these three things when we speak to dreamers:

1. When someone comes to you and shares with you something they are deeply passionate about feel honored that they shared it with you because it comes from a spiritual place not just an idea manufactured by the brain.

2. If you are a realist by nature you can be a HUGE asset to the dreamer. Help them make a step by step plan of action, but be mindful of what you define as failure. Failure to a dreamer is never having tried. Failure to a realist is setting a course of action, trying and getting a different result. Help them try.

2. We as parents, spouses and friends need to nurture what has already been planted. I believe that God plants passions, desires and talents within each human. Some children know at a very early age what those are.  My performing arts high school was full of young dreamers that have since gone on to pursue their dreams because they were nurtured by our education system. I'm so thankful I was one of those kids. So, listen to your kids and dream with them, expose them to opportunities to try new things and keep your desire to protect them from pain in check. 

3. Use your power of influence for good. We all have influence on each other. Be mindful of your super power, and use it to build up not tear down.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

THE "S" WORD

There are two words that begin with the letter "s" that have changed my life. The word "stupid" and the word "smart." Everyone has one or two words that can pack a punch to their heart in the best and worst way, and these are mine. 

Growing up, I was told I was stupid a lot, and by "a lot" I mean on a weekly basis and sometimes more depending on what had happened at school. I was put in the "slower" classes, tested for learning disabilities and I never once had a report card without a "c" on it. If adults and educators thought I was stupid surely they were the people who knew best, right? Even objective tests told me so. This word became part of my identity. "Hi, my name is Alex. I'm friendly, I'm creative, but I'm not smart."

I barely made it into college, which was am embarrassment as the only child of two educators with PhD's. I began as a business major, but I didn't make into the business school when my junior year came around. The only way I could graduate on time was to get a degree in Interdisciplinary Studies (two minors that equal a major) with a focus on business and communication. I ended up graduating, getting a job and fitting in with the rest of the world. With school over with I wouldn't have to think about the "s" word too much anymore. It would creep in here and there when I made mistakes, but, for the most part, I never thought about the word. But, then I began a business...

Everyone has dreams for themselves regardless of their aptitude. Our dreams are all different, and some may seem smaller than others. I didn't stop dreaming just because I thought I wasn't as smart as my peers. I dreamt of being a big time fashion editor or stylist starting at the age of 14, and when I faced the trajectory of my life without achieving those things it looked bleak. Motivated by the fear of regret and the passion for the fashion industry, I steam rolled over this identity of being stupid, and here I am. 

But, you see, there's a problem. Even as I type, "stupid" still haunts me and the word "smart" feels like buried treasure at the bottom of the ocean. Because even though I'm running a profitable business, I've spoken at many conferences, I have a beautiful home that I can pay for, and other things that most would call "accomplishments" I haven't told myself that I'm smart and I haven't heard anyone else other than Ryan tell me that I'm smart. Well, until a couple days ago. On Sunday, the CMO of Chatbooks, Rachel Hofstetter, said that to me in a business meeting and again over email, "you are smart." I'm still in shock and blown away. I'm even moved to tears. I've never been so happy to hear the "s" word in my life, and it clicked. I really am a smart woman, and hearing it from an unbiased person and a peer meant more than anytime I've tried telling myself that I am. There's power in the unbiased voice from a peer. 

The whole reason why I share this all with you is to remind you how encouraging your peers means a lot. Even telling someone you barely know in a business meeting that they are smart can change their, so don't hold back. 

Photo by Rennai Hoefer wearing accessories from Fossil.