A SEASON OF SOLITUDE

2016 has been a year of solitude for me. It hasn't been by choice, but rather uncontrollable circumstances of illness, the ups and downs of taking care of a baby, as well as living in a new area. And even with some family nearby and seeing one or two friends weekly, emotionally I have felt somewhat alone too. And before you feel bad or sad for me, you should know that I'm writing this blog post to tell you that I believe it was the single biggest contributor to the "success" and growth of my business and myself this year. 

In fact, the original title of this blog post was going to be something along the lines of don't #findyourtribe, #beanomad. Haha! More thoughts below, but in all seriousness, all of the #FOMO (fear of missing out) that I initially experienced when we made the move from Central Phoenix to Chandler has dissipated to the point that I can see my solitude as a gift and a healing time for me.

Why? Well, all of my energy that used to be spent in other ways was channeled into "survival" mode where I was focusing on myself, my marriage, my kids and my business, and less on friendships and business relationships. And, honestly, that's what my priorities should always be. This year I realized that I had my priorities a bit backwards, especially when it came to using my time wisely for my business. As an operating extrovert and a regular face among the creative community and blogging community in the Phoenix area, I used to spend a lot of time on collaborations, meet ups and networking events. They weren't bad ways to spend my time, but weren't and will never be the core of what can fulfill me personally and grow my business.

My circumstances of having to be home a lot to care for a sick baby made me put my head down and work my ass off on my blog and on my craft as a stylist inside the confines of my house with the small bit of work time I had. And the rest of the time was spent on being a better mother, wife and figuring out what self-care looks like for me in times of stress. Hands down, I would say I have created some of the best imagery of my career, designed amazing spaces for my family and healed a lot of pain in my heart. And on paper, well, my revenue is at a record high, and I've had the most brand partnerships to date. I would also say that the personal growth in me and the self-discovery is truly reflected in my art, and, at the same time, my art has been a healing and freeing outlet for my mind when I needed to escape some of the trying moments of motherhood.

I say all of this on a public space like my blog because I love transparency and encouraging people through my own experiences, as well as to challenge any #fomo you may be experiencing. 

I keep seeing more and more "creative meet-ups," "creative collectives" and people urging others to "#findyourtribe," and a part of me cringes when I see it. Not because they are bad, but because they often become pretty distractions for us. Sometimes the longing of belonging gets the best of us, and we forget that solitude can sometimes be what we need. 

And, truthfully, if you want to help your creative community grow and lead it you have to lead by example and be a master at your own craft first. It has taken me 7 years to realize this, but I get it now. I have to keep my skills sharp so that I can help my community and help those I'm in relationship with. My contribution will be much more powerful if I maintain my expertise in my craft and share that knowledge with others here and there rather than always saying yes to the next party. 

In 2017, I hope that the sickness in my family subsides, and that I can get back out and be more in relationship with others, but I'm going into this year feeling comfortable saying "no" more, investing in a few strong friendships and knowing what is most life-giving to myself and others.

So, if you are currently in a season of solitude, loneliness or you are given a season like this in 2017, this may be your best year yet. Just you wait and see!

Photo by Rennai Hoefer

LIGHT UP UGLY SWEATER

This post is sponsored by Savers.

Ugly sweater parties are the best because you don't have to worry about being in style. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The more out-of-date, the uglier your outfit is the better it is. It's as if fashion didn't exist at all - it's like Christmas and Halloween combined. A couple of months ago, I partnered with Savers to create some cool Halloween looks, so naturally, I've teamed up again with them to bring you a light up ugly sweater.

You can find all sorts of things at Savers for the holidays. Christmas ornaments, lights, tinsel and definitely a lot of sweaters that make for a great ugly sweater start.

My intern, Lauren, selected this chenille, red sweater with a zipper for me. I think my mom had something like this in the 90s. It was the perfect foundation for my light up sweater. All you need to create this sweater is a battery operated light strand, a hot glue fun and some colored pom-poms.

Position your lights first to see where you want them to go. Then squirt your glue underneath each spot and lay your lights on top. I put the lights on the back not only because I wouldn't be able to get my sweater on with the cables across the front, but because the battery pack could easily fit in my pocket that way.

I don't know if you can tell, but the sweater says "joy" in cursive. Haha, but either way it sure looks cheery with flashing lights. It's definitely a hit with the kids to say the least. Be sure to visit Savers for all of your last minute Christmas needs from decorations to ugly sweaters!

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

A ONE STOP AMAZING SHOP

This post is sponsored by Bed, Bath & Beyond.

The holiday season is always a bit nutty starting with Halloween through New Year's Day, but this year feels beyond nutty. We're talking a hurricane of madness where most plans have fallen through due to sickness and work deadlines. Throw in birthdays, hosting guests and doctor visits and you can find me with the door closed practicing deep breathing. So, leisurely shopping for Christmas gifts around town as I sip a latte is but a dream. In reality, I need one stop, amazing shopping to tackle Christmas, and that's why all of our gifts for our family are from Bed, Bath & Beyond this year. They have something for everyone including our golden-doodle, Wendy. I guess you can say I've sleighed the holidays, well, at least Christmas gifts.

You have to see what I found. I even bought myself the best gift of all...(a gift that keeps on giving, of course). And, we opened up our gifts early this year, so that I could share why we love them.

ELLE: Ice Cream Maker / $19.99 - This isn't a traditional gift for kids, but it really should be. Elle's favorite food is ice cream and she loves to bake with me. This ice cream maker does all of the work for you. You just add your ingredients, and then theres a little slot to add in any mix-ins. So, this is something that your kids starting at 4 years old can pretty much do themselves with a bit of assistance measuring. It has a little storage bowl inside the machine that you can pop out and place in the freezer for easy storing. To complete the gift, you can buy a kid's apron and chef hat.

LEVI: Vtech Smart Wheels Treasure Mountain Train Set / $49.99 - Levi is really into trucks, cars and anything he can roll across the floor. This Treasure Mountain Smart train set takes things with wheels to a whole new level. It comes with a battery operated train that goes its own. The set comes with balls that he can plop through different parts of the mine onto the train. It's SO cool! Elle actually loves it just as much as Levi and she is 4. It has really is a gift they can share.

RYAN: Top Shelf Bevel 3-Piece Whiskey Set / $89.99 - Ryan is a whiskey man. We started a bar set when we were first married with a shaker, ice bucket, etc., but he didn't have a decanter for whiskey or old fashioned glasses. I thought this would be the perfect, sophisticated way to grow his tools. The beveled glass makes for a beautiful display too. We look forward to doing some holiday entertaining in the coming days, and this is perfect for it.

WENDY: Pawslife Orthopedic Step-in Dog Bed/ $59.99 - Truthfully, Wendy has not received a Christmas gift since the kids were born (yikes). Not even a special bone (oops). She is seven years old, and the dog bed we first got her is just as old, but ragged and worn out. This year we got her a new bed that is more cozy than the first. And, even though I don't like to think about Wendy getting older, I know that one day she will, and this bed will make it easier for her to get up and out of it.

ME: Nespresso Maker Bundle / $187.49 - Though this may be the most expensive gift on the list I must tell you this is a gift for the WHOLE family. Okay, more so me and Ryan, but good coffee is truly the gift that keeps on giving because I then have energy to get through my day with a smile on my face vs. a frown. Plus, we have a bit of a bad habit of frequenting coffee shops regularly, and we're really trying not to do that. Since using this Nespresso and automatic frother I haven't even thought about going to Starbucks in the past five days. It's that good, and it's going to save us money in the long run.

I also got myself this "Awesome" mug to help start my day on the right foot.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer; this post contains affiliate links. 

THE PERFECT GIFT BASKET

This post is sponsored by Coca-Cola.

Every extended family has that one person that champions Christmas. That person that rallies the troops for holiday baking, sets a date to see Christmas lights or plans the secret Santa gift exchange. I have someone like that in my family. It's my sister-in-law, Nicky Vender. Her home is always decorated beautifully for the holiday, she bakes the best cookies and she gives the best gifts wrapped to perfection. She is always the person you secretly hope picks your name for the gift exchange because you know your gift is going to be awesome. Well, this year Coca-Cola has asked me to highlight my unsung heroine of Christmas as part of their #ShareACoke campaign, and I would like nothing more than to #ShareACoke with Nicky. Truthfully, her jolly Christmas actions go unthanked a lot, and I want to thank her with the ultimate gift basket!

Her energy and excitement for the season is what keeps me going because I think my energy peeks shortly after hosting Thanksgiving or maybe it's because my kids tire me out...Either way, her holiday spirit and joy make Christmas much more fun. To honor her, Coca-Cola personalized her favorite drink, Diet Coke, with her name on it, and then I put together the ultimate gift basket.

Gifts always feel more special when they are personalized. Wouldn't you agree? You can get 40% off a personalized six pack of Coca-Cola using shopping code HOLIDAY40 at checkout.

To take the personalization one step further, I had a wooden sign made for her family that she can hang on a wreath year round. In addition, I packed some more of her favorite things in a lovely basket. 

1. Diet Coke - Her favorite drink
2. Madonna ornament - Her favorite 80's pop star
3. Chocolate and caramel - Her favorite treat
4. Bottle opener  (similar)- To help her enjoy her Diet Coke, of course
5. Personalized wooden sign for any wreath or basket - It can be used in many ways
6. Hand cream - Beauty products always win.
7. Nail files - Her toes are always painted to perfection
8. Wrapped soap - Who doesn't like to bathe in the scents of Christmas?! Haha!
9. Throw - To keep her warm and cozy
10. Beautiful basket - Something that she can use to store things in her home
11. Boxwood wreath - It's a beautiful and neutral gift for the season.
12. Bouquet of Holly - Everyone loves flowers, especially Christmas ones. 

I left the basket on her doorstep like a good little elf to let her be surprised, and she sure was! I got a call with tears and joy. I'm sure Santa would be proud. The fun doesn't stop there though. I want to give you something special too.

You can win your very own six pack of Coca-Cola that's personalized with your name, as well as a $100 gift card. The total value of the prize is $130. To enter, please tag your Christmas hero or heroine in my Instagram post (click here). Contest ends on December 11th at 11:59 PM, and one winner will be chosen by December 12th and contacted via direct message on Instagram. Please make your Instagram account public so that I can contact you if you win.

This prize was provided by The Coca-Cola Company. The Coca-Cola Company is not a sponsor, administrator or connected in any other way with this campaign.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

REAL TALK REAL MOMS ON A BRIGHTER FUTURE

There's a lot division in our country right now, especially after the presidential election. So, we've decided that the Real Mom Series needs to tackle what it means and looks like to raise a bright future for our country and our world. Please be sure to check out the takes on this topic: Design for Mankind; The Effortless Chic; Apartment 34; The Life Styled

I'm a white, upper-class, suburban mom raising white, upper-class, suburban children. When I pin on Pinterest, scroll through my Instagram feed and read posts on Facebook I most often see white middle to upper-class, able bodied men, women and children staring back at me. It's not wrong to live in the suburbs, to have money and to be white by any means. But as I write these words out something feels wrong, and that's because I'm lacking the rainbow of diversity this world has to offer in my personal life, in my work life and in my virtual life. And, if I'm not intentional in showing my kids that people in this world live differently than we do, worship differently, love differently, act differently, etc. then they will grow up not knowing how to love their neighbor that is different. And, they will not see that it is equally their responsibility as an American citizen to act just-fully for those that are not like them. 

So, I must confess that I have unintentionally created a bubble for myself and my family. And though I am aware that discrimination exists in our country and world, I haven't really done anything about it in that way that I should. The biggest way I can fight racism and discrimination against women or people with special needs is to raise the next generation to think and act differently. But, that's only going to happen by setting an example. 

Here is a list of actionable ways I can be an example for my kids and I can also show my kids the beautiful, diverse world we live in.

1. Acknowledge injustice when we see it and try our best to help rectify it when we can. I don't want to teach my kids to look the other way even if a problem doesn't "involve them." So, if we can solve a problem on the playground, stop and help if we witness an accident, talk about current events that are unjust.
2. Vote, take them with me, and talk about who and why I am voting for. (I did this year.)
2. Spend time in difference parts of our city playing. Phoenix is the 6th largest city, and each suburb looks different than the other and has something different to offer. 
3. Involve them in service projects that they can do at a young age. Serving food pantries, donating their toys and cleaning up our city. 
4. Buy children's books that show people of other ethnicities, cultures and abilities. It's easy to paint the world white and able-bodied without being intentional. After looking at our kid's books I realized we don't have any that show kids that are asian, black or who have special needs.
5. Buy toys that show different skin colors and abilities. Elle loves playing with Barbies and dolls, but they all look the same. 
6. Show them different places of worship and learn about different religious holidays. We are Christian and often talk about Christian holidays, but we haven't ever talked about other holidays her friends celebrate. 
7. Make and eat meals from all over the world.
8. Travel to other countries
9. Pro-actively share content on our social channels that is diverse in gender, race and ability.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas. Please comment below.