REAL TALK REAL MOMS ON GROWING YOUR FAMILY

How do you know you're ready to have kids? I would ask that question of my friends that were moms before I became one, and they would always answer, "You're never ready for it." Now that I am a mom, I would say that's a very true statement. I think you just have to keep an open mind and have open hands to what life may give you. And then, if you have a child, the next question becomes, "When do you know you're ready to have another?" Although, for me, I always knew if I had one I would at least have two if I could help it. Here's why...

You see, I'm an only child, and I hate it. I've always felt this way about it and I still wish I could have siblings. It's lonely being the only kid. There's a lot of pressure with the role too.

These feeling are no surprise to my parents. However, they were very intentional about having only one. They came from big families of four and five kids where there wasn't a lot of money or opportunity to travel and have nice things. My parents, based on their experiences, didn't want that for me. When I would ask why they only had one they would say, "We wanted to give you the world." Their hearts were pure and good. They had a peace that their little family was complete, and that they were making the right choice. 

But, I want to take a moment to shine some light on why I really didn't enjoy being the only child. Everyone seems to think that we are spoiled rotten with toys and attention, however, most only children I know received less attention. Parents can't be playmates all of the time, and siblings often take on that role when you add more kids to the family. So what happens in a family where there's just one? Well, we become "responsible" earlier and we start "adulting" earlier because our friends are our parents. Or, we develop a very good imagination and start occupying ourselves. Either way we become very independent kids, so much so that as adults I often have too full of a plate and don't know how to just play and celebrate like the rest of the world.

I wish I had siblings to talk to about handling my parents or to share grief when loss comes. I wish my kids had aunts and uncles to love on them from my side. Only children often marry people with siblings and then have to learn how to become siblings half way through their life. It's really HARD. Not to mention, expectations of friendships are higher for only children because we look at our friends like family. Whereas our friends don't really see us like that because they have their own brother and sisters. It may be the only choice for many families or the financially responsible choice for families, but this is what I would say if you're thinking about only having one...

Be ready to play and spend even more time with your kids than the average parent. Also, live near family where cousins and grandparents can keep your kiddo company and give attention to them. Make sure they have a lot of friends to play with, and even invite a friend along on trips. 

And as for our family, the question just became, "When should we have another child?" For us that just happened to be exactly three years after Elle was born. I really love the age gap (not too far and not too close). I think the key question to whether or not you should have children or have more children is, "Is my family complete?" I promise that in your heart and your spouse's heart you'll know the answer. Our family is complete at two kids, and knowing that in my heart makes me savor everything even more.

To learn about other experiences and perspectives on this question of having more kids, check out these other stellar mamas' blog posts as part the "Real Mom Series."

The Refined Woman / The Effortless Chic / Apartment 34 / The Life Styled / Parker Etc / Sarah Sherman Samuel / Sugar and Charm / Could I Have That / Sacramento Street

SWIM STYLES FOR KIDS

In Arizona, we live in the pool all summer long. It's the only way you can enjoy the outdoors without melting. Fortunately, swimming happens to be Elle's favorite activity, and I'm discovering it's Levi's as well. You could easily say we throw a swim party daily once 4pm hits and the sun isn't as intense. I've teamed up with Janie & Jack to share how we swim in style at our house.

Well, for starters, a great swimsuit for the kids is a must. Janie & Jack hands down has the best bathing suits for kids. The quality is impeccable and the styles are to die for. This cobalt blue one piece suit was too cute to pass up for Elle. I love the vintage silhouette and the halter is much more functional than the spaghetti straps you often find. 

Janie & Jack's coordinating accessories are adorable too. A striped sunhat, vintage style glasses and floral espadrille shoes completed her stylin' swim outfit. I also got a white linen swimsuit cover-up for when she isn't swimming. Remember those days when you lived in your swimsuit? Well, that's what these coverups are for. They don't even have to take their suits off to run a quick errand.

For Levi, I got him this adorable marlin swim trunks. I loved the coral color against his olive skin. These days he mostly just splashes around, so he wears his swim trunks like regular shorts. Just put a white seersucker button down on him with his white summer shoes and shades and he is one stylin' baby. 

Since Elle never wants to come inside for a snack I bring them out to her. To go along with the swimming fun I like to give her Gold Fish, Swedish fish or Otter Pops, of course. Levi likes to have a couple licks of the popsicle. 

If you're looking for quality swimsuits be sure to check out Janie & Jack's website http://www.janieandjack.com/. You can't go wrong with anything from Janie & Jack.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer. 

REAL TALK REAL MOMS ON EDUCATION

Every month I have a real conversation about different aspects of motherhood along with some other mamas in the blog-o-sphere as part of "The Real Mom Series." This month we're talking about education, and since we're in all different phases of motherhood you'll get to hear from many perspectives. Be sure to visit the other blogs to read more:

The Refined Woman, Design for Mankind, The Effortless Chic, Cloistered Away, Sarah Sherman Samuel

This topic of education is timely because Elle just finished her first year of preschool, and we are reassessing where she should attend next year. It's times like these where I wish I majored in family studies, psychology or education so that I know what is the "best" and "right" way to educate children. I wouldn't say we made a mistake this past year, but I would say we didn't really make the best choice for Elle and here's why...

I chose our past preschool based on recommendations from moms and educators in the area. You would think that's a surefire way to know if a school is good, but you know what I have found to be a better way to choose a school for your child? Your maternal instincts. Something told me that she just wasn't enjoying herself and she always came home tired and quiet. I thought it was because she just wasn't used to four hours of a classroom environment. 

In my gut I was 100% sold on her preschool, but I just kept telling myself, "But, it's the best in the area. Everyone says so." Well, this summer she has been attending a summer preschool program at a different school, and she has been coming home so rejuvenated and happy. It's an even longer day that her other school and she goes daily. I was preparing myself for a super tired three year old, but I was wrong. So, that got me to thinking, maybe her other preschool isn't really the best even though everyone says so. But, that really begs the question, how do I know what is best? Here's my two cents from a mom that is still figuring it out.

Well, I think the first step is to assess your child's personality.

Elle is an extroverted leader, and I think some teachers would classify her as a strong willed child because she argues everything to death (just like her mama). I love that about her, but it makes things challenging for a teacher. If  Elle can't see the personal benefit of something she simply won't do it. In fact, if you start any sentence with a command she will just rebel against it to try and assert power. It's just who she is and how she was made. All that to say, how schools handle behavioral issues is a very important aspect to how we need to pick a school. I felt like her past preschool constantly was telling her "no" and "don't" and "timeout." I also didn't feel that they embraced that part of her personality and tried to channel it in a positive way. So, we need to find a place that approaches correction with positive affirmation of good behavior. For example, "Good choice, Mary. Thank you for sitting on your square. Good choice, Ben..." and so on until the person not making a good choice realizes that they can receive the positive affirmation they are looking for by sitting down. Because Elle is extroverted, more time to play with friends is also a factor. Here past school only offered three hour mornings three days a week for her age, but there are other schools that offer daily school with longer days. 

The next step would be to tour the school and see if you have a good feeling about it.

Sometimes you just need to trust your intuition. You can read about a school on paper and it sounds fabulous, but until you tour it and talk with the teachers you won't know if it's a good fit or not. I've toured about five different preschools, and I definitely had better feelings about some schools than others. I would look at whether the school was clean, if it was safe, if it was organized, if the student/teacher ratio was good, etc. We also have a serious nut allergy in our home, so how they handle food at school is a bit of a factor. I also would ask about the teacher/student ratio. Children learn better in smaller class sizes because they can have more time with the teacher. It's just the truth, so if you can find a place that has a good student/teacher ratio then you're on the right track for success.

The next would be to see if the communication between the school and the parents is frequent and friendly. 

Anytime a teacher seems bothered to talk to a parent there should be a red flag. Parents and teachers have to work together to make learning enjoyable. Sometimes when Elle's teacher would ask me to work on something with her I felt at a loss as to how to do that. I really wish they could have given me some examples of how to work on fine motor skills. Instead, I just went to Pinterest to look up idea in hopes that those ideas would work. I also wanted to know more about what they were going to learn in the coming months so that I could reinforce those ideas at home.

There's no surefire way to find the right school. Sometimes you just have to try it and see. I thought I would screw Elle up by taking her out of school and putting her into a different one. I also thought I was a bad mom for making her go to school in the summer for longer days. You know what? Your kids may surprise you, and trusting your gut works better than you think! 

MY NEW LOVE INTEREST & GIVEAWAY

This post is sponsored by Carter’s; however, all thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.

Ryan won my heart, but Levi has stolen it. Being a mom to a boy feels different than being a mom to my daughter. Not better, not worse...just different. I'm the first woman he has loved, and it feels so special. Moms of boys told me leading up to Levi's birth that it would feel special in this way, and they sure were right. So, I have started to take Levi on dates just like Ryan has taken Elle on dates for he past three years. And, to celebrate turning Levi turning nine months old, I have teamed up with Carter's to share with you what we love to do on our dates together.

Ryan and Elle always go on a date to Starbucks so she can talk to him all about her ideas, eat madeleines and drink chocolate milk. Levi, on the other hand, loves to eat and run (or shall I say crawl). So, our dates include good food and any place that lets him roam free and explore. I dressed him in a Carter's Little Baby Basics t-shirt that says "wild one," because he is sure is wild. He wore black and white striped pants and his mini Birksenstock style sandals from Carter's. I really want to get a pair just so we can have matching shoes. He is too young to be embarrassed by that, right. ;)

I took him to The Original Chop Shop for a cold pressed juice and a chia pudding parfait. His favorite part is pounding on the table and staring at new faces. While he is doing that I just stare back at him, and marvel at how nine months have already passed by since we first met. Of course, I strapped a bib on him because he is the messiest eater in the world. Somehow food ends up glued in his hair and eyebrows every time. I love that Carter's makes bibs that coordinate with their outfits too. 

When we play outside Levi wears nothing but a soft, breathable onesie because it's so warm in the summer. I love this cute outer space onesie. You don't see black onesies too often, so I liked that Carter's offered something modern and different. Plus, onesies show off those delectable baby thighs. (Can he stay little forever?!)

Being a fashion stylist, I thought dressing a boy wouldn't be as fun as dressing a girl. I thought wrong. I love dressing Levi because it's so easy and there are endless outfit combinations between the shirts and pants and onesies he can wear. Carter's makes dressing kids a breeze with all of their matching sets down to the accessories. I think everything in Levi's closet is Carter's just because it's also affordable. This kid grows like a weed. Did you know he is wearing 18 month clothes at he is only nine months old?! Holy smokes we have gone through a lot of clothes very fast! If you're in the same boat and you are looking for stylish, affordable clothes for your littles, look no further than Carter's. Carter's actually has a 20% coupon that you can use until July 4th. 

We finished our date with some exploration, chalk writing and kisses. I think next time we'll go to the splash pad or the zoo. I would love to hear where you want to take your daughter or son on a date. You can WIN a $100 Carter's gift card if you comment below before 5pm on Friday, June 10th with your date idea, and you can have additional entries by visiting my Facebook page or following me on Twitter. NOTE: In order to track ALL entries I am using Rafflecopter. See the widget below to enter. I promise you won't get any spammy stuff. It's just to make sure the contest is fair and square. The winner will be notified by email, and I will personally send the gift card to you.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

REAL TALK WITH REAL MOMS ON CO-PARENTING

In my opinion, the idea of "co-parenting" should just be summed up in the word "parenting." I don't understand how the roles of parenthood were ever so divided. Being a parent is such a challenging, life-giving and selfless role that it really takes a team to do it well. I am continuing the Real Mom Series today on the topic of "Co-Parenting" with some other lovely bloggers. I hope you enjoy what I have to share, as well as my peers' stories. 

The Effortless Chic / Sarah Sherman Samuel / A Daily Something / Our Style Stories / The Life Styled / Parker Etc / Sacramento Street / Sugar & Charm / Apartment 34

Ryan and I grew up very differently, but one thing that we had in common was that our moms did most of the day-to-day parenting. My mom worked full-time and his mom stayed at home, but the roles of our dads were simply to work and be a disciplinarian. Our dads didn't do much of the feeding, cooking, laundry, diaper changing, homework, grocery shopping, hair brushing, play date going, etc. We both agreed that we wish we saw more of our dads in the picture, and so we knew if we had children that was going to be something we would be intentional about.

So, when we had Elle I thought everything would fall into place easily, but I quickly learned we had a lot of expectations to sort through. Co-parenting is something that, quite like marriage, requires constant communication. Right now, parenting is the source of most of our fights, but not because we dislike parenting, rather, it's because we want it to feel SO equal that the second we feel like someone is doing more than the other we start becoming resentful and agitated. 

When you first get married you divvy up roles. For example, Ryan does most of our bookkeeping, taking out the trash, dog poop clean up and we'll take turns on the dishes. I do the cooking, laundry, house cleaning and dishes. With parenting, we share roles. We take turns getting up in the middle of the night feeding Levi. If one gets up in the middle of the night for the 3:30am feeding than the other wakes up with the kids at 5:30am. On weekends, when Ryan is home from work, we take turns changing diapers, doing feedings, making meals, etc. But never do we have someone just doing dirty diapers because, duh, that would suck.

What makes the shared responsibilities muddy is the fact that I stay home with the kids and run a side business while he works a 40 hour desk job. I'm obviously changing a lot more diapers, making more meals, and playing mom more than he is, so when he gets home I want to be able to have a moment to myself. It's the kid free hours we fight over most and the sense of entitlement that we both feel to them. One thing that we both agree on is that being home with the kids all day every day is WAY harder than going to a desk job and having adult conversations. Ryan has stayed home with the kids for consecutive days while I was away on business, and he totally agrees.

So, we started daddy-daughter dates to give Elle more quality time with Ryan, and to give me a moment to myself. Another thing that we do is that we both have one night a week that we get to go out with our friends. Every other week we try to have a date night and hire a babysitter. Those three things have helped tremendously with balance. 

I would say the biggest thing that has helped us be better co-parents is a lot of communication. Sometimes we communicate with some yelling, but we have definitely learned it's better to talk than to bottle up any feelings.

Lastly, just realizing that we are in a different place than we were before children, and that we simply can't do whatever we want when we want has helped tremendously. Letting go of that expectation has saved us from many fights. 

We are an open book when it comes to our journey as parents, so feel free to ask more questions if you'd like. 

Photos by Creative Marriages