SEEDS OF DOUBT

There's a fine line between being pragmatic and sprinkling seeds of doubt. I know this by experience. Seeds of doubt were sewn in me by the people who love me the most - my family. They had no idea at the time, and I know now they are sad at the result of their words, but, nonetheless, they were planted. They looked like seeds that would sprout better choices, safer paths, protection and love, but what grew from phrases like, "Fashion is very competitive. Not many succeed. There isn't a lot of money in fashion. There isn't a demand for styling in Phoenix. You're not as stylish as other girls," grew something ugly. A snarly weed, a critic. She looks and sounds almost exactly like me, but she's not me at all. She's like a  knock off Prada bag, but looks authentic from the outside. 

No matter how much weed killer I put on this fake bitch (I usually don't swear, but that's the only word that fits this lady) she still gets in a word here and there. I give her credit for my business degree and my PR experience - a smart cookie no doubt. I also credit her for the depression, self-esteem battles and tears. The only thing that has quieted her snobby voice is this overwhelming stirring in my Spirit that feels like a fireball (trust me it's not heartburn) - there's no quenching it unless I release it. 

I did it when I started my first blog, AlexandraEvjen.com. It came out again when I got my first logo. And again, when I went I completed my first photo shoot. And again, when I did my first fashion show. And again, when I got over a million followers on Pinterest. And again, when I got my first job with a brand (Glamour Magazine). And again, when my work was first published in print.

That critic is silenced every minute of every day when I get to do what my Spirit has always asked me to do - simply follow this passion. I am so thankful that I had the courage to release this wildfire, but not everyone has this story. Not every person has been able to release this groaning deep within them. Unfortunately, some people have more than one devil wearing Prada bitch in them because more seeds of doubt disguised with pragmatism were sewn - like Johnny Apple seed had a field day. For them, I write this post.

We need to remember these three things when we speak to dreamers:

1. When someone comes to you and shares with you something they are deeply passionate about feel honored that they shared it with you because it comes from a spiritual place not just an idea manufactured by the brain.

2. If you are a realist by nature you can be a HUGE asset to the dreamer. Help them make a step by step plan of action, but be mindful of what you define as failure. Failure to a dreamer is never having tried. Failure to a realist is setting a course of action, trying and getting a different result. Help them try.

2. We as parents, spouses and friends need to nurture what has already been planted. I believe that God plants passions, desires and talents within each human. Some children know at a very early age what those are.  My performing arts high school was full of young dreamers that have since gone on to pursue their dreams because they were nurtured by our education system. I'm so thankful I was one of those kids. So, listen to your kids and dream with them, expose them to opportunities to try new things and keep your desire to protect them from pain in check. 

3. Use your power of influence for good. We all have influence on each other. Be mindful of your super power, and use it to build up not tear down.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

I SEE YOU

I've been reading and hearing this phrase, "I see you," a lot in the media. I've heard Michelle Obama use it, and, most recently, Viola Davis in her tribute to Meryl Streep. It implies a deeper seeing than the surface. It refers to a true understanding and knowing of someone and their motives. It also means that you are not ignoring their voice or actions. I love this phrase and it's meaning so much, especially in this visual digital world where we scroll and consume and read, but we aren't truly listening or understanding one another. 

It makes me sad and angry to know that it takes marches of thousands of people around the world to be heard, seen and understood. And I can't help but think about this on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and with the women's march approaching (January 21st, 2017). 

If I had one super power it would be to help people truly understand one another's desires and needs. And if I could eradicate one problem it would be selfishness. This way we could help meet one other's needs on this earth, and there wouldn't be a person left out (hopefully). But here's the truth: we can actually do have this power - to understand one another and deny our selfishness. 

I know this because this is the main challenge of a marriage. Ryan and I are together every single day, and have been for almost 10 years. We know each other extremely well, but there will never be a day when I know exactly what he is thinking 100% of the time. At the root of the fights that we have as a marriage couple is misunderstanding. What we have learned through marital counseling (everyone should go, btw), is that we need to ask follow up questions before responding with answers. Some example of that are:

"What I am hearing you say is...." repeat back what you have heard the other person say.
"How does this make you feel?" try to understand their feelings behind what they are saying.
"What do you need in this moment?" Most often there is a request or a need behind the discourse.

And then once we make sure to eliminate misunderstanding with clarifying questions we can respond. That doesn't always mean we can meet each others needs, but that usually leads to some sort of compromise.

We as a society can't even get to the point of a compromise. We are just shouting back and forth at each other right now. Let's seek to truly see each other and understand each other right now. Let's ask these questions to our friends and community that we don't see eye to eye with, and love them because they are living, breathing people God has made. 

Photos by Rennai Hoefer; glasses by J. Mclaughlin  

STYLE NOTES FROM STAR WARS

Long over long. Short over long. Tank over top. Dress over pants. Layering is a big trend for 2017, and I think we have Star Wars Jedi, Rey, to thank. I am especially excited for this trend for a couple reasons:

1. Layers are extremely functional for Arizona weather. We start in the 40's and end up in the 70's during our winter season. I'm constantly shedding layers and then adding them back on by the end of the day, but it's much better than being really cold for half of the day. 

2. I love this trend because of the amount of comfort and modesty it brings. I can wear a dress over my jeans and call it good. Lately, this ensemble of wearing my black jumpsuit over my t-shirt with a wrap has been on rotation. 

I haven't worn this jumpsuit in three years mainly because it's cut too low for me to wear a bra with it or bend down to play with my kids. Hooray for layers!

If you're nervous to wear layers because it may add volume to your silhouette try to find pieces that still give you a waistline like this romper or be sure to add a structured jacket on top like this denim one.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

LIGHT UP UGLY SWEATER

This post is sponsored by Savers.

Ugly sweater parties are the best because you don't have to worry about being in style. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The more out-of-date, the uglier your outfit is the better it is. It's as if fashion didn't exist at all - it's like Christmas and Halloween combined. A couple of months ago, I partnered with Savers to create some cool Halloween looks, so naturally, I've teamed up again with them to bring you a light up ugly sweater.

You can find all sorts of things at Savers for the holidays. Christmas ornaments, lights, tinsel and definitely a lot of sweaters that make for a great ugly sweater start.

My intern, Lauren, selected this chenille, red sweater with a zipper for me. I think my mom had something like this in the 90s. It was the perfect foundation for my light up sweater. All you need to create this sweater is a battery operated light strand, a hot glue fun and some colored pom-poms.

Position your lights first to see where you want them to go. Then squirt your glue underneath each spot and lay your lights on top. I put the lights on the back not only because I wouldn't be able to get my sweater on with the cables across the front, but because the battery pack could easily fit in my pocket that way.

I don't know if you can tell, but the sweater says "joy" in cursive. Haha, but either way it sure looks cheery with flashing lights. It's definitely a hit with the kids to say the least. Be sure to visit Savers for all of your last minute Christmas needs from decorations to ugly sweaters!

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

SPARKLE WISH LIST

This post is sponsored by Shane Co.

I would by lying if I said that I didn't find myself entertaining the occasional dream of opening a mysterious small box tied with a bow on Christmas from time to time. Maybe it's because I've watched too many Christmas movies or maybe it's because "Santa Baby" has been playing on repeat in our house (Elle's Christmas recital song), but the hopeless romantic in me (and pretty much every woman I know) sure would love it. And then, at the same time, I would feel so guilty if Ryan had spent tons of money on jewels and I just got him a pair of shoes. But, Shane Co. has the best of both worlds - quality, sparkly diamonds at great prices, so there's no guilt and only pleasure. I'm sharing my personal favorites from their Toy Land Collection. Maybe between us all someone will get a mysterious little box this year. (wink, wink).

1. Diamond Crescent Moon Necklace - I've always been a minimalist when it has come to jewelry. This white gold necklace with diamonds is completely on trend and timeless all at once.

2. Triangle layered necklace - This white gold necklace gives the look of two, but is actually just one. I loooove how functional it is and that I can wear it with many things. It worked perfectly as I layered it with the diamond crescent moon.

3. Diamond Bar Earrings - These earrings are simple and modern all at once. You can dress them up or down, and wear them for years to come.

4. Diamond tennis bracelet - Sipping cocktails, hot cocoa or eggnog will look so glamorous with a diamond bracelet no doubt. This one is small and simple, and can easily be layered.

5. Infinity Bracelet - This infinity bracelet is beautiful, but has more femininity with its curves. It also has the meaning of infinite love, which would be very appropriate for married women or moms.

6. Stackable rings - Statement rings are slowly fading and simple stackable rings are taking their place. I stacked a diamond band, white gold band, and a garnet ring together for the holidays. You can do other colors like emerald or sapphire too.

For more affordable and quality gifts that sparkle and shine, be sure to visit Shane Co. online or in your city (see here for locations).

Photos by Rennai Hoefer