How Do I Rebuild My Identity & Worth?

Funny story - The man that married me 14 years ago asked me to be on his podcast and share about rebuilding myself after divorce. Pretty crazy, eh?

I count Ron Merrell as a dear friend even though we haven’t kept in touch all that well. He was a mentor to me as a post-college grad, and he has always remained an encourager from afar.

He recently asked me to join him on his podcast ‘Feel Dumb for Asking’ with his co-host Bo to answer a pretty big question - How do you rebuild your identity and worth after it has been damaged? - after witnessing my evolution over the years.

I can’t say that I have all of the answers or even claim to be an expert on this topic, but I was happy to share what I have learned along the way as I have been doing my best to do exactly that. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope this helps someone out there that is in the process of rebuilding their life.

CELEBRATE YOURSELF

After running a couple of errands today, I popped into a boutique to snag a gift for my mom for Mother’s Day. Minutes later, I had found something (ironically, the store is called FOUND), and then I meandered through the shop with a whisper of a thought, “Why don’t you celebrate yourself too?” Following that, I remembered feelings of jealousy of the other moms being celebrated by their partners, feelings of anger surrounding how motherhood has changed with divorce, shame telling me I should just be thankful I get to be a mom no matter the circumstances, desires for my community to celebrate, and then shame for putting that responsibility of celebration on anyone at all for a made-up holiday🤪...I obviously was triggered anticipating Mother’s Day, headed toward a pity party in a pit, and at the core of it all was a valid longing for celebration. 

A sales lady walked up to me asking if I wanted to buy the candle I was holding in my hand. I told her I’m considering gifting it to myself this Mother’s Day. She quickly followed, “Yeah, girl, pick out what you want instead of hoping he knows what you want.” “I’m actually a single parent, and I thought that maybe this year I would celebrate myself instead of wishing someone else does it,” I said. She paused and said, “That’s exactly what you should do! I was a single mom for 11 years, and it was really hard. For the first five years, I wished to be celebrated, and when other people tried, it never felt right or satisfied me. I realized I needed to do it for myself on Mother’s Day and all the days of motherhood because only I know all of the wins and losses. You are the best person to celebrate YOU, and when someone else does celebrate you, it’ll be a bonus.” I thanked her for her wisdom, I bought the candle, and I found more than I bargained for at that store. 

I am SO grateful for the blessing of motherhood, but even four years later, as strong as I am and as capable as I am, it’s still hard doing it alone, especially this month. So, I want to remind the fellow single moms out there that feel unseen on this upcoming holiday that we need to learn to celebrate ourselves, especially in the hard seasons. And remember, you can be grateful for your kids and still desire to celebrate and acknowledge your accomplishments as a mother. You are not selfish. You are human. You are doing one of the hardest, beautiful things in this life...loving your children unconditionally. 💛 Share this with a single mom that needs to hear this today.

A NEW BEGINNING

This tiny corner of the internet began at the age of 24 as a place for me to express the things I’m passionate about. I never had any aspirations for it to become a business or be anything bigger than a visual extension of myself. I’m thankful for what it became because it truly changed my entire life. However, the life I once lived, I no longer live due to circumstances beyond my control.

After reclaiming my body, my career, my passions, my home, motherhood and the little things that came with overcoming loss, I’m here again. No plans, no big ambitions, no expectations of myself or you…

Just a flashing cursor, a pristine white page, the glow of a computer screen…Cheers to a new beginning of AVE Styles.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

Eddie Bauer Hiking Essentials

These images were created in partnership with Eddie Bauer.

Arizona is one of the best states to live in if you love the outdoors and hiking. There are trails upon trails here. From the Grand Canyon to Sedona to Camelback Mountain to Mt. Lemmon to Saguaro National Park, every inch of the state has a place to hike. I’m thankful that there are some good trails right in my backyard.

I’ve partnered with Eddie Bauer to show you some of my hiking essentials. If you don’t know, Eddie Bauer is one of the most timeless outfitters in America. They have outdoor apparel for men, women and children, as well as several outdoor accessories to make your experience the most it can be.

I particularly love hiking leggings or joggers. These black ones have pockets and the high-waist is super in style. The desert can be unforgiving, and pants are always a safer bet with all of the cacti and thorns.

On days when the temps are in the triple digits, I balance my legging with tanks. This white one with a built in sports-bra makes getting dressed fast and easy.

Of course, I always bring a hat when I head outdoors. I like this tan one because it doesn’t get too hot in the sun. Try to avoid black and all costs. It’s hard when it comes to leggings though. I also love hiding sweat (wink).

Don’t forget a good backpack for longer hikes. This yellow pack is easy to spot and fantastic for any place with a lot of dirt. The waterproof material makes it easy to clean. I actually took it to the beach not too long ago, and it was MUCH better than a beach bag.

Eddie Bauer has definitely upped their game. More to come, but make sure to check out EddieBauer.com for all of your outdoor and hiking adventures.

Photos by Rennai Hoefer

REFRESH WITH ARTICLE PART TWO

This post is sponsored by Article.

It is completely normal to decorate a space, live with it a bit, and realize that you need to tweak some things to fit your lifestyle needs. Perhaps you like to put your feet up when you read a book, but you didn’t think to purchase an ottoman? Perhaps you need just one more pillow to give you better back support on the couch? Don’t be discouraged to learn that you need to continue to iterate, add or take away something to find satisfaction with your decor. 

I’ve partnered with Article again to show some small updates to Rennai’s living room after she and her family lived in it for a month. Check out the before and after below. Can you spot the changes?

This was before we added the following:

We added an ottoman - Rennai’s husband is very tall. He loves sitting in the Sven Charme Tan armchair and reading, but he prefers to have his feet up. We added a black jute ottoman to create more comfort for David. The ottoman can also double as additional seating when they entertain. 

We added an extra pillow for comfort - When Rennai’s little kids sit in the leather chair they find it’s too deep. We sort of had a goldilocks problem. Haha! So, we added a pillow to help prop them up when they want to enjoy the reading nook.

We updated the coffee table to be oval instead of square - When we added the ottoman, the size started to compete visually with the coffee table, so we swapped the square table for the oval Walnut Lenia coffee table.

We layered another rug to anchor the table. Once the new table was added to the space, we realized that the scale looked off. To help make it not look too small for the large room, we added a 5x8 rug to anchor the table and establish its presence. 

We added another tree to the space. Plants help spaces feel alive and refreshing. That side of the room needed something extra without adding clutter. A skinny fiddled fig tree was just the ticket. 

Now, the space is finally complete and meets all of their lifestyle needs. It just took some tiny tweaks here and there to get it just right.

Be sure to check out many of these items on Article.com. They are offering flat rate shipping of $49 for all items under $1,000 and FREE shipping for all items above $1,000. They’ve also introduced Contactless Delivery so you can order and receive furniture from them stress-free during this time. 

Photos by Rennai Hoefer